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I went through a divorce about 5 years ago. For anyone who has been through one, I am sure I’m not alone in saying one of the hardest, most guilt-ridden parts is the kids. I have been struggling with mom/divorce guilt for several years. But even if you are married, mom (and dad) guilt is real.
How many times do we go about a day without being fully present to each of our kids? It’s okay…you’re not alone. The days get busy and we go on auto-pilot…lunches to pack, laundry to do, dinner to make, work, practices, etc. How can we possibly find time and energy to get alone time with each child? Often, we feel guilty about not spending enough quality time with them…at least that was my experience.
Let me introduce a powerful tool…
I was talking with a friend about mom guilt and the story playing in my head about being an inattentive mom at times. She recommended starting Mind Body Soul Time. This idea comes from a program called Positive Parenting Solutions. This tool is designed to increase connection between you and your kids, reduce sibling rivalry, and help you drop into the present moment more.
Here’s how it works:
- Take 10 minutes every day to spend with each kid alone. Let the child choose the activity. This should be electronic-free time, although if you have teenage boys you might consider playing a video game. The program calls it Mind Body Soul Time, but you can call this time whatever you want. I chose to call mine ‘Mommy Lincy time’ and ‘Mom & Major time’…but you can get more creative if you’d like.
- Announce to your child that you want to do some Mind Body Soul Time for 10 minutes (you can do longer, but make it at least 10 minutes). Leave your phone off of you and be fully present to your kid for this time. After the 10 minutes is up, tell them you really enjoyed your Mind Body Soul Time together and you are looking forward to doing it again tomorrow. This is an important step as it reassures the child that they will get your undivided attention again tomorrow.
- Do this once a day with each of your kids. This time may be short but it is extremely connecting for your child and you!
I am not perfect and I don’t do this every day. But I do make an effort to try to do it as often as I can. When you do this regularly, kids start to feel seen and heard by you. They stop trying to get your attention in other less effective ways like arguing with their siblings or doing something they know they shouldn’t just to get your attention. In fact, mine sometimes even ask when we are doing our Mind Body Soul Time! If you are consistent, they know that at some point in the day they will get your undivided attention. And trust me…that goes a long way for both you and them.
If you have been struggling to connect with your kids, I encourage you to give this a try. Tell all the dads you know about it too…this isn’t just for mom!