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I am not claiming to be a relationship expert, but I can tell you my husband and I have an incredibly strong relationship and I am very much in love. I have been asked how I keep the “love alive”. I realize each relationship has it’s own uniqueness, but there are some basic things that I believe every relationship can benefit from. 

While I have an incredible marriage now, I have not always brought my best to relationships. My previous marriage was a huge learning experience for me. I think what I’ve learned most was all the ways NOT to be. And I know it’s not always easy to be your best self, but you need to remember it is always your choice on how you show up. I spend a lot of time working on myself and my marriage. And I have created my top must-have tips to share with anyone interested in strengthening their relationship.

5 Tips to Rock Your Relationship

1. Self love not Criticism: Have you taken the time to examine all the things your inner critic nags you about?  You know, those constant put-me-downs that we say to ourselves regularly. If you haven’t stopped to dissect each one of these issues you need to do that now. 
If you constantly criticize and put yourself down, how do you think you’ll be able to refrain from criticizing your partner? Let me spell it out for you…You Won’t. When criticism comes into a relationship it’s like poison. So grab a pen and paper and start to notice all the negative things your inner voice says to you. Write them down and explore them all. The less you judge yourself, the less you judge your partner. Remember nobody is perfect. And instead of spending that energy telling others how to be, use it to work on yourself.

2. Alone Time Together: I don’t care how busy you are…spending alone time with your partner is non-negotiable. Leave work early, hire a babysitter, work out together, whatever it is, get daily alone time together. If this isn’t your priority, your relationship will fade. You’ll both get so busy doing your own thing that you’ll lose your connection with each other. And if you’re unsure how to find time every day for this, look at how many minutes you spend on your phone every day…I bet you’ll find your answer.

3. Laugh: Now I realize not everyone has laughter as one of their life values like I do…but finding ways to laugh together will absolutely benefit your relationship. Feel-good hormones, secreted by your endocrine glands, flood your body when you laugh. One of the direct benefits is that your mood is significantly improved. And when you’re in a great mood, you automatically tend to behave better with your significant other. This leads to more playfulness, which means less defensiveness, which can lead to more open communication and an overall better connection to each other. So find ways to laugh and be playful with your partner everyday.

4. Affection: This is one of the first things to go when you start losing connection. If you can’t remember when the last time you affectionately hugged, kissed or touched your partner that is a red flag. To keep the spark alive make sure you keep the power of touch in your relationship. Give your partner a big hug and kiss before work, when you’re watching TV curl up together or give your partner a shoulder rub, and my all-time favorite, hold hands when you’re out walking. These become some of the best parts of the day. The key is that you can’t get lazy. For this to work, you need to be committed and present…even when you’re not having your best day.

5. Keep it Tight:  Don’t be the person who nags about their spouse behind their back. If you find yourself doing this stop immediately. That energy is toxic. We are all adult so if you have an issue with your spouse, use your big kid words and talk to them, not to your best friend, hair stylists, co-workers, etc. Keep your marriage protected. It is a sacred space. And letting anyone other than your spouse into that space breaks the connection.

Nobody wants to be in a mediocre relationship. If you aren’t fully committed, try adding these tips into your day and see what happens. Even if your relationship is rocking, doing these five things will kick it into over drive. And if you’re in a space of uncertainty in a relationship, this is the time to get open and honest with yourself. I have certainly been in that space before and if you need help I am here.