Read time: 2 minutes
Self love is having grace and compassion for yourself as well as accountability and discipline.
We hear this term self-care everywhere these days. But what does self-care really mean? Why is it so important? And how do we embody it?
I want to start off by saying self care = self love. There are two important pieces to self care that must be present:
1. Honoring where you’re at without judgement AND
2. Holding yourself accountable to change what needs to be changed.
We need to let ourselves have an off day without having negative dialogue around it. But at the same time, if you’ve been in the bubble bath for four days, self love also means having accountability and ownership over your circumstances. What do you need to do for yourself to get beyond the difficult day?
Self love is the active work of healing your nervous system so you can authentically show up in your life and in your relationships. While self care is often depicted as spa retreats and walks in nature, there is another side to self care that needs to be done in order to get the most out of those relaxing aspects. We have to do the inner work…dive deep into our conditioning and past traumas and find out why we believe what we do. Do we really know ourselves or are we operating out of learned, limited beliefs?
This is HARD WORK but this is self care. This is self love. And while you are doing the hard work, you are also showing compassion and empathy towards yourself by taking days off work or enjoying a massage or whatever makes you feel good. The polarity of self care means you show yourselves love as a mother holds a child and you show yourselves love by going deep inside to discover and remove all that is no longer serving you.
The absence of self care manifests in toxic outcomes in our relationships. Let’s read that again… the absence of self care (self love) manifests in toxic outcomes in our relationships. The next time you find yourself in these stressful states (anger, anxiousness, fear, irritability, jealousy) ask yourself:
- How can I pro-actively do the work to show up in a better way?
- What do I need to do for myself so I show up in a balanced, calm state instead of snapping at my kids, arguing with my husband, or getting irritated with co-workers?
This does not mean suppress your real emotions! All emotions are on the table. (Quick little side note…ladies, it’s okay to feel anger and rage. They aren’t reserved for men only.) Acknowledge them without judgement, then do something about it. Self care is holding yourself accountable and doing the steps to move you from a negative state of fight-or-flight to a more peaceful state of presence and awareness.
Our nervous systems cannot delineate what’s real and what’s not. If you think you see a snake but you later discover it’s just a coiled up hose, your nervous system responds as if you saw a real snake. If you spend a lot of time worrying about things in your head, your nervous system thinks you’re in a state of danger and will respond as if those worries were happening. This is how we get stuck in habitual programing. It’s our responsibility to distinguish the garden hose from the snake…reality from illusion. This is how we heal ourselves, heal our relationships and find contentment in the present moment.
If you’re having difficulty finding the time, energy or desire to do this work, ask yourself what it is you’re resisting. What are you scared to uncover?