10. The Elusive Pursuit of Happiness

10. The Elusive Pursuit of Happiness

Read time: 3 minutes

We have been misled into thinking happiness is something to pursue. This is one of the biggest misnomers of our time.

We are born pure. 100% happy. 100% enough. As we grow, we are taught we aren’t enough…that we need X, Y or Z to feel complete. But the truth is, we are born with all the happiness we will ever need.

There is an ancient Indian story about a musk deer who very early in her life began to notice this heavenly scent in the air. Intoxicated by its smell, she set out to search for the source of this divine aroma. She searched high and low and everywhere she went she could smell it lightly in the air, but its source always eluded her. She searched the depths of every forest, smelled around every tree, tasting every blade of grass and still couldn’t discover where this scent was coming from. She remained determined because the scent was so glorious, she knew deep down that she would be profoundly happy once she finally found it.

She ended up devoting her entire life to her search and one day fell exhausted onto the forest floor. As she fell one of her fangs pierced her own belly. Suddenly the air was overwhelmingly flooded with this divine heavenly scent. After a lifetime of searching, in the presence of the final moments of her precious life she realized the scent was coming from her the whole time.

This story comes from ancient India and it always touches my soul, for it is reminiscent of our own journey. We seek to be happy, to try finding the source of our happiness somewhere out in the world. We will search tirelessly to discover it. May this story remind us all that what we seek is right here. We are the source of our peace, happiness and wellbeing.

So how do we find sustained happiness? Stop looking around and start look within. Accept yourself and become your own best friend. Forgive your faults and work on loving yourself imperfectly. Talk to yourself as you would talk to a child or a friend. Accept your own quirks as you do a loved one’s. And understand that nobody is thinking about your faults as much as you are. Rather than focus on our inadequacies, spend that time focusing on your amazing qualities and gifts that are uniquely yours.

Here are a few ideas that I find helpful:

  • Mirror talk: Every morning before brushing your teeth, look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud “Becky (insert your name) I love you. You are enough.”
  • Be of service: Bake cookies for someone. Bring in the neighbor’s garbage cans off the street. Help carry someone’s groceries to their car.
  • Loving Kindness meditation: Sit quietly for 5 minutes and repeat to yourself: May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be at peace.
  • Self-Gratitude: Write down one thing about yourself you are grateful for every day. Do this for a month and you’ll be amazed at what this can do for your mindset.
  • Take a walk: Alone, with a pet or a friend. No electronics.
  • Digit Detox: Go off all social media for a day/week/month. Rather than looking for external validation, spend your free time doing something you enjoy.
  • Compliment others: Giving even one genuine compliment to someone boosts your own happiness.